Felitïa rolled the Pearl between her fingers. Every now and then, a bit of candlelight glinted on its smooth, white surface, but it didn’t shine like the ones in the Room in her head—the ones that formed the eyes of the Staff.

When the Staff and Pearls were present, at any rate.

The Room had been empty for what seemed like an eternity now.

“You stare at that a lot.”

Felitïa closed her fist around the Pearl and looked up. “Do I?”

Miana stood in the library door, holding their sailor cap in their hands. “I’ve come here every day for the past week, and you’ve been staring at it every time I arrive. You also hide it in your hand every time.”

Felitïa chuckled. “I suppose I do.” She held up the Pearl between her thumb and forefinger. “I’ve been a bit obsessed with it lately. Agernon says he’s done all he can with it.”

Miana approached the table and stood across from Felitïa. They placed their cap on the table, and reached out their hand. “May I?”

Felitïa placed the Pearl in their hand, lingering a little longer than she probably should have, enjoying the touch. If Miana was bothered by it, they didn’t express it, though they also didn’t show any pleasure from it either. Gods, she wished the shield was gone so she could sense emotions again.

Miana held the Pearl close to their face and peered at it. “What have you figured out?”

“Agernon’s certain it’s mind activated. You probably have to think about, or rather, imagine your destination in your head, and it takes you there.”

“But that hasn’t worked?”

Felitïa shook her head. “Agernon thinks it also needs a command word of some sort. You have to also think the command along with the image of your destination. We’ve tried hundreds and hundreds of commands and nothing’s worked. We’ll keep trying, of course, but it’s...exhausting.”

Miana raised an eyebrow. “Exhausting?”

“Not physically exhausting the way your work on board a ship might be, but mentally.”

Miana nodded and returned the Pearl to Felitïa’s hand. “I understand.”

Returning the Pearl to the pouch she’d been keeping it in, Felitïa smiled at Miana. “So, what can I help you with today? More funds requisitions to sign?”

Miana shook their head. “No, I’m out of those. I just thought I’d come to visit today. That is, if you’re not too busy. After coming here several days in a row, I suppose I’ve just gotten used to it.”

A little thrill shot through Felitïa, and she motioned for Miana to sit down. “Please, sit with me then.” She’d hoped for time when she could just talk to them.

With a smile, Miana sat down across from her.

“You really must be off duty,” Felitïa said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you sit.”

“I’m a small person in a position of authority. Standing makes me look a little bigger and more intimidating. It’s useful in my job.”

“I gather you’ve been very successful with that. At least according to Meleng.”

Miana chuckled lightly. “Yes, I suppose I’ve gone a bit hard on the boy at times. How’s he doing, by the way? I saw him once shortly after the incident, but I must admit, I’ve been a little afraid to visit him since. I know how intimidating he finds me.”

“He’s doing reasonably well. He’s up and about now, and doing some work for me at the Hall of Knowledge.”

Miana smiled. “I’m glad. He’s a good lad, if a bit naïve at times, and Sinitïa clearly adores him.” They leaned forward, placing their elbows, then hands on the table.

Hurriedly pushing the papers in front of her aside, Felitïa leaned forward and placed her own hands on the table. “She really does.”

Miana nodded to the papers. “What are they for?”

“Just bureaucracy. Papers to sign and such. Like you usually bring me.” She reached forward and touched her fingers to Miana’s. “When you came in, I was suppose to be writing a letter to Cerus, but as you saw…”

“You weren’t doing a very good job.” Miana ran their fingers over the tops of Felitïa’s, sending a shiver along her arms and down her chest.

“Too easily distracted by other things,” she said, staring into Miana’s grey eyes. “Mikranasta’s always criticising my lack of focus. With good reason, I suppose.”

Miana smiled and wrapped their fingers around Felitïa’s hands. They broke eye contact momentarily to look around the room. “Speaking of which…”

“Hedromornasta’s on the other side of the west doors. We’re still in mental contact, obviously, but he does give me some privacy these days.”

“So you can be a little less inhibited,” Miana said, sliding their fingernails lightly across Felitïa’s palms.

Felitïa’s heart pounded and her mouth went dry. “A little. I don’t have a lot of experience with…”

“I gathered.” Miana clutched Felitïa’s hands and looked her in the eyes again. “Look, I know you’re reluctant to do certain things with your overseers present, but surely there are other things we could do together, and I get the impression you could use a break.”

Felitïa nodded. “Yes, of course. What did you have in mind?”

“I don’t know. You could come see me for a change. I could show you the ship. You could show me around the city. I don’t know it very well. We could talk.”

“I’d like that.”

Miana smiled and let go of Felitïa’s hands, causing Felitïa’s heart to skip a beat. They stood up, came around the table, and held out a hand to her again. “When would be a good time?”

Felitïa took the hand and stood up. “I’m not sure.” They were standing very close together now, Miana looking up at her and Felitïa hoping her loudly beating heart wasn’t so loud Miana could hear.

“How about tomorrow?”

Felitïa nodded slowly. “Tomorrow’s good. I’ll clear my schedule.”

“Good.” Miana smiled and rose on their toes.

Shaking in a manner it was impossible to believe Miana couldn’t see, Felitïa lowered her head. Their lips touched.

And then parted just a moment later. Miana lowered back onto their flat feet and pulled Felitïa down to them. Then they kissed again, this time longer.

It was so different to kissing Maneshka, but just as thrilling. Where Maneshka had always been gentle and controlled, Miana was… wild? Animalistic? Felitïa wasn’t sure she had the vocabulary to describe it. Intense worked though.

She put her arms around Miana and pulled her in closer so they were pressed up against each other, and—

“Whoops! Sorry. I’ll just...uh…”

Shit. She’d completely forgotten she had an appointment right now.

They separated. Miana looked about to laugh. Felitïa tried to hide her face and definitely didn’t look towards the door where Zandrue’s voice had come from.

“I was going to say I’ll go back in the hall, but…”

Felitïa took a brief glance. Mikranasta was standing in the doorway blocking Zandrue’s retreat.

“It’s all right,” Miana said. “I was about to leave anyway.” They collected their cap from the table, and headed to door. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Felitïa?”

Felitïa turned around, nodding. “Noon. Meet me here.”

Miana bowed their head, then looked to Mikranasta, who stepped aside. Then they headed out of the library.

Mikranasta closed the door, then looked to Felitïa. “I would remind you, Will-Breaker, that tomorrow at noon, we are—”

“I’m taking tomorrow off, and spending some time with Miana. You can stay close to us, of course—I’m not asking you to lower the shield—but I think I deserve a little break.”

Mikranasta bowed her head. “As you wish, but you yourself have said you want to learn to use your abilities as quickly as possible. Every day off delays that.”

Felitïa took a deep breath. “I know, but it’s just one day. Okay?”

Mikranasta smiled. “Believe me, I am not criticising your choice. I have said before, I think your rush is ill-advised. These things need a measured approach. It is good that you take the occasional break. I just want to be sure you know what you are doing.”

Felitïa nodded. “I do. Thank you, Mikranasta.”

“You’re welcome. Now, shall we get started?”

Felitïa sat back at the table, and Zandrue sat across from her, where Miana had been. They each reached across the table and clasped hands.

“It’s about time,” Zandrue said.

“What do you mean?”

“You and Miana, I mean. You’ve been lusting after them since your first saw them.”

Felitïa’s cheeks warmed. “I have not!”

Zandrue looked at her, an amused expression on her face. “Your blushing says otherwise.”

“Okay, maybe a little.”

“Who’d have thought the all-powerful Will-Breaker would be so embarrassed by a little sex and romance?”

“Hey, the all-powerful Will-Breaker has emotions too. And there’s no sex. Not yet, at any rate.”

Zandrue laughed. “Oh, I know, but there’s definitely been the suggestion of it.”

“Maybe.” Felitïa looked aside to hide her still reddening cheeks.

“Are we ready?” Mikranasta said.

“One moment.” Felitïa took a few deep breaths, and focused on calming herself and her heart, which, even though Miana was no longer here, was still beating ridiculously fast. Once it had slowed a little, she looked back at Zandrue and smiled. “Okay, ready.”

“I am extending the shield now,” Mikranasta said.

As Zandrue’s presence appeared in the Room in her head, Felitïa closed her eyes. Eventually, she needed to be able to do this with her eyes open, but for now, as she worked everything out, she needed to focus on just the mental side of things and leave the physical world out of it.

Except the hands touching. The physical contact made it difficult to avoid slipping into Zandrue’s head, and learning to avoid that was the whole purpose of these sessions. While she wasn’t exactly good at it yet, she liked to believe she was getting better. She wasn’t instantly falling into Zandrue’s head like she had the first couple times, and it had been less than two weeks, so she could hardly expect perfection yet, as much as she might have wanted it.

She didn’t slip straight into Zandrue’s head this time either. Instead, she looked on Zandrue’s presence in the Room, and followed that tiny thread through the hole in the grey walls.

How are you doing? she asked.

Fine, Zandrue replied. I think. It’s like usual. I’m a bit nervous about you ending up in my head again, and still worried you’ll take me over.

Hey, I haven’t done that again.

I know, but I worry anyway, and you want the truth, right?

Yeah, I understand. I really do.

Communicating with Zandrue telepathically was also important, as it was another thing that could cause her to slip. The diamond walls of the Room could block that from happening, but unfortunately, they also blocked the communication. Felitïa had been trying to build a wall that would block the slippage, but not the communication, using the grey walls as a template since they let a little bit through. Unfortunately, so far, nothing had worked.

So, tell me about you and Miana, Zandrue said.

What’s to tell?

Oh come on. You said Mikranasta has promised not to listen in on our conversations so, unless you think she’s lying, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s just me.

I’m not embarrassed. One of the minuscule holes in the wall she was building grew larger, and she desperately tried to squeeze it smaller. Well, maybe a little. It came back under control. But honestly, there’s not much to say, and you know most of it. We’ve exchanged little glances from time to time and said a few words. They’ve been coming around a little more often recently.

They’ve been here every day this week.

Yes, I did notice that, and was hoping it meant something.

But of course you waited for them to initiate something.

Yes, but I didn’t want...I mean… She sighed. Okay fine, I’m not you, okay? I’m not good at this stuff. Anyway, today… As she tried to squeeze shut another expanding hole, another one ballooned to enormous size. Oh shit. It engulfed her and she fell into Zandrue’s head.

* * * * *

It was mostly dark. They were in a garden or perhaps in the woods. As was usual in these memories, particularly the older ones, most of the details were unclear—blurry or completely absent. A young girl stood beside her, holding her hand. Based on just the feelings of the memory, the girl was around four or five years old, but the only clear part of her appearance was her fiery red hair.

ZandrueFelitïa picked a thin leaf from the plant beside them and handed it to the girl—Morstraime—who took it, but only looked at it.

“Go ahead,” ZandrueFelitïa said, and made a chomping motion with her mouth.

The little girl put the leaf in her mouth and started to chew. A smile spread across her otherwise indistinct face.

“Good, isn’t it?” ZandrueFelitïa picked another leaf and put it in her own mouth. The sweetness was intense, far more so than Felitïa would normally like, but this wasn’t Felitïa. This was ZandrueFelitïa. No. FelitïaZandrue. No. Zandrue. Again no, not even Zandrue. Lacquaime. And Volgs loved sweet food.

“What is it?” Morstraime asked.

“Mum says it’s called candyleaf,” Lacquaime said. “Don’t tell her I gave it to you. We’re not supposed to pick the leaves.”

“I want more,” Morstraime said.

Lacquaime picked another leaf. “Just one more or Mum might notice it’s missing leaves.” She handed it to Morstraime, who eagerly popped it in her mouth.

There was no moment when the scenery changed, but somehow they were now in Elderaan’s Mystic Palace. Morstraime was gone, but there were others present. The surroundings were clearer—closer to how Felitïa remembered the shop—but they were still imperfect and incomplete.

The herbs weren’t here. Gods, she was going to fail and be punished. She had failed so many times.

Maybe she’d just missed them. This place had things from Ninifin. Those dimwitted Servants had told her that. It had to have the herbs. But the girl at the counter kept watching her. The old man had been watching her too before going upstairs. It would be better to leave, and come back when the place was closed and no one was here. She could search it more thoroughly then.

Damn. The girl was coming over to her.

The girl looked a lot like Felitïa looked now, not a teenager as she was then, but that was the way of memories, ZandrueFelitïa supposed.

The girl leaned against the shelves, adopting a sultry pose.

I did not do that! the part that was just Felitïa yelled.

“Hi! I’m Felitïa.”

A name. She needed a name. The girl—Felitïa—had been talking to a boy about Zandromeda the Volg Killer. That would be a good ironic name to use. “Zandrue.”

“Want to come to the New Year’s celebrations with me?”

“Sorry, I’m going to be leaving town soon.” The celebrations would be the perfect time to return. The place would be empty for hours. She’d have loads of time to find what she wanted. If the herbs were here.

“Oh, maybe we could something before you go? I’m sure we’d have a good time. If you know what I mean.”

Oh, come on! I never said that! Did I?

Didn’t you? Your intentions were very clear, whatever it was you said.

What do you mean? I was very subtle.

The part that was just Zandrue laughed.

“Sorry, I really better go.” ZandrueFelitïa ducked out the door before the girl could say any more.

What if she couldn’t find the herbs? There was so little time left. Even if she found them New Year’s Eve, she wasn’t likely to make it back in time. She couldn’t go through another punishment. Not again.

She could just not go back. Pull a vanishing act and go hide somewhere. Become carcraime.

But then Morstraime would be tasked with hunting her down. She couldn’t do that to Morstraime. Could she?

Maybe she could endure the punishments one more time. For Morstraime’s sake.

These punishments. What were they?

You don’t want to know. Please don’t take me back to them.

I won’t, though I don’t know how much control I have.

I’ll tell you about them when we’re separate, when we can actually talk. With our mouths. I know I said there were no secrets left between us, but I kind of forgot the punishments. I try to never think of them. I’m successful most of the time.

I suspect you’re more in control of this than I am, and we haven’t gone there yet.

There was just blackness now—no memories—and Felitïa separated from Zandrue.

How did she do that?

It wasn’t entirely clear. She’d just sort of done it. Gods, she needed to improve her focus. Pay better attention.

The blackness pulsed with anger and fear—fear of the punishments, and anger at Felitïa.

I’m so sorry, Zandrue.

Don’t be. It’s not your fault.

You forget. I’m in your head. I know what you’re feeling. I know you’re angry at me.

So what if I am? I’m also capable of knowing when my anger is misplaced. It’s not your fault.

Okay. I just want you to know that—

Drop it before my anger becomes justified.

Right. I’m going to shut the fuck up now, and find my way out so we can end this session.

Thank you.

Getting back out was always the hardest part. She had to avoid falling back into more memories, Zandrue’s conscious thoughts, or even her unconscious ones. She had to focus on her own body and going back to it, but that was easier said than done.

Then she was back in the Room in her head.

Okay, that was surprisingly easy. How exactly had she done it? Could she repeat it? She’d have to find out next time.

She opened her eyes and let go of Zandrue’s hands.

Zandrue sat there staring, a hint of tears in her eyes.

“Well done,” Mikranasta said. “I think that went exceedingly well. You’re obviously—”

Felitïa held up a hand to silence her. “Good in some ways, not others. Zandrue?”

Zandrue bit her lower lip. She was trembling. “I need some time. Come find me when she’s not around.” She glared at Mikranasta and stood up, heading to the east door just as Sinitïa came in.

“Hi Zandrue!”

“Out of my way.” Zandrue pushed past Sinitïa and stormed out the door, slamming it behind her.

Sinitïa frowned. “I said, I’m sorry about Godran.”

“It’s not that, Sinitïa,” Felitïa said. “She’s just in a bad mood. It’s my fault.”

“It’s just everybody seems to still be angry with me.”

“I’m sure you’re misunderstanding.”

“Horaz is still angry.”

“Yes, okay, but Godran was his valet for a long time. It’s going to take him awhile.”

Sinitïa sighed. “I guess so. Anyway, I was coming to tell you I’m going to go see Melly now. Anita says I have to have an escort, so Akna’s going to take me, and she said I should ask you if you have any messages to send to anyone at the Hall of Knowledge.”

Felitïa smiled. “Not really. Just tell Agernon I haven’t made any more progress with the Pearl.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later.” Sinitïa started to turn away.

“Actually,” Felitïa said, “there’s something else. Tell Agernon I want to try putting the Pearl in the Staff. He won’t like that, so be prepared for him to be a little angry.” Agernon was adamant that it was too dangerous to replace the Pearl in the Staff without understanding how they worked. He said he wasn’t even sure which eye this Pearl was, and putting it in the wrong socket could prove disastrous. However, there were no other options left. Trying random command words could take forever. They had to do something else.

Sinitïa frowned. “Okay. I’ll tell him.” Then she grinned. “Would you like to come with me and tell him yourself?”

Felitïa chuckled. Sinitïa could be very perceptive about some things. “I wish I could, but I’ve got too much work to do. I have to write a letter to Cerus for one.”

“I could help!”

“You have to go help Meleng.”

“Yes, but if I help you write the letter, you’ll finish faster. Then you can go with me to see Meleng and Agernon.”

“When I’m done that, I have other things to do, including study the Pearl some more.” Was she making excuses because she was as afraid of Agernon’s response as Sinitïa? Maybe she should go.

Nin-Akna arrived at the east door. “Ready, Sinitïa?”

“Almost,” Sinitïa said, and looked back to Felitïa. “Maybe I can help you with the Pearl.”

“I don’t think so.”

“You’ve let lots of other people try. Why not me?”

Felitïa sighed. Sinitïa was right. She and Agernon had gotten other people to try using the Pearl, in case someone else could somehow manage it. After all, Dyle Aderman had been able to use it, suggesting anyone could if they knew how.

Felitïa fished out the Pearl from the pouch, stood up, and approached Sinitïa. “All right. But just a couple tries for now. You have to go help Meleng, but you can make some more tries another time.”

Sinitïa beamed and took the Pearl. “What do I do?”

“We’re not really sure. Best guess is, think about where you want to go. Then think of a word. Any word.”

Sinitïa beamed some more and held up the Pearl in front of her face. “Anywhere I want to go?”

Felitïa nodded. “Anywhere, though it should probably be somewhere you know well and you know is safe. Like your room or something.”

“I’ll think about the Hall of Knowledge so Akna doesn’t have to escort me.”

“Great, and then think—”

Sinitïa and the Pearl vanished.