Chapter Nine
Fourteen Years Prior...
Nothing. I found absolutely nothing to help and minimize the risks of childbirth. Time was running out and I had hardly any years left before I would be forced to send her to Thanases permanently. In four years time she would be married and likely preparing to be a mother, if she even lived through it.
Alexius' recent death left me rattled - not from a personal attachment to him, but for the hourglass that swiftly turned upside down signaling his end and the uncertainty it led to.
As the summer months rolled in, Marek's presence in the city became more frequent. Each visit, in the beginning, Aurora's face became light as she went to his side and acted as his personal tour guide, despite Marek knowing the city well enough. Though... There were times I noticed the light becoming dull when she was with him - particularly when the princess of Durant was brought up in conversation. Even though the desert princess was promised to Jovan of Regnum, Marek remained quite smitten with her. I could get over his boyish desires if only he didn’t bring it up so often to Aurora.
Some days I caught her left alone as Marek made day trips out to see Regina. The naga descended princess must have been quite the beauty for him to continually pass up the chance to spend time with a princess whose vibrancy rivaled that of the Sun’s.
"She's very pretty," my little Sun said one afternoon, her tone soft and defeated as she watched Marek exit the city for the third time that week from her bedroom window.
"You're very pretty," I countered, coming to stand beside her.
Her shoulders slumped forward as she hung her head lowly with golden strands blocking the view of her face. I placed a hand on her upper back, in hopes of giving comfort. Instead, her body lurched forward with a heavy sob.
"You're biased, Huri," she whimpered after a long moment between us. Still, I kept my hand on her back, willing her to think better of herself.
"I would agree with you," I began, angling my head in an attempt to catch her gaze, "but how can I be biased if everyone that meets you says the same thing?"
"They're biased too." A hiccup and sniffle escaped with her words.
Teenagers and young love were such messy affairs. It had been some time since I was a teenager but... I nearly shuddered at a dusty old memory of a young man confessing his affection for me. Despite being flattered with their honesty, I couldn't find a reason to begin a relationship with him. Nor had I felt much interest in any of the others that confessed after him - both male, female, and those similar to myself. Starting a relationship based on a whim was not something constructive to do with my time, even back then.
Perhaps I’m the odd one out… yet…
I continued to look at my sun-envying sixteen-year-old charge. She was in a very different situation than I had ever been in. Far different.
"Aurora, do you love him?" It came out accidentally as an inner thought, and part of me wished it stayed there.
From under my palm, Aurora's body tensed sharply, as if I struck her with a hammer. When she exhaled slowly, lowering my palm in sync with her back, she continued to look away from me as she answered.
"It doesn't matter if I do or don't. Everything's been decided and I have a part to play."
Each word struck me in the heart with the force of a dagger. I had never told her about my encounter with Alexius and I began to wonder if she knew the extent of what her role would entail. Before I was able to hypothesize what she knew, she spoke again with a tone so soft it was ironically deafening.
"They came to see me... a couple years ago. He sought me out himself without prompt, and he brought that dark-haired man with him," she pulled her head up to stare blankly down at the city as the sun set and fiery balls came to life on the iron lamp posts of the streets. Without turning, or my vocal inquiring, she continued.
"I imagined him to look a lot different... perhaps even close to a god. But... when he looked at me and spoke to me..." she paused, inhaling deeply, waiting for what felt like forever to release it. "... he just seemed so tired, old, and maybe even broken."
"Who?" it came out when I hadn't meant it too. Who could have had such an impact on my girl?
Continuing to stare at the streets she let it all out.
"Father. He came to see me when you were away for a few days two years ago... I think in Kai? But he came and saw me right here and stood right next to me, the way you are now. And he brought..." her voice hitched. A violent sob wrecked through her body as she hunched further into the windowsill. Still, I kept my hand on her back. It was probably useless, but it was all she would allow me to do.
Slowing her breaths she reached up with the back of her hand to wipe the mess of tears that refused to abate.
"He brought the one I will give birth to after he dies."
Alexius. My heart lurched. Not only did our father come to see her, but had her believing there were no other options. Once she saw Alexius and knew the true purpose of her life... or at least the purpose our father had given her, I saw how she came to the finite conclusion of her future. She would not fight the marriage treaty, and she would not fight her fate - no matter how negligent Marek was to her.
It was after another small sob and a shallow breath that she finally turned to look at me, her golden eyes puffy, red, and what seemed like a small glimmer of light.
"You've been working so hard to try and help me. In more ways than I can think of, you are the parent I always needed. But..." she closed her eyes tightly, her face scrunching up in a way that only came from a heart in pain, and then planted herself in my arms. I held her tightly, wishing she was smaller again to cradle her completely in my arms. With her face buried in my chest she continued with not so much as a muffle in her words. "... I need you to know that whatever happens it will be okay. It will be what is meant to be. Please don't go to all these lengths just for me."
"It's not just for you, Aurora," I began and pulled her back to look her in the eyes. "It's for everyone. This fear of expanding our population has been hanging over us for generations and if something isn't done about it we will cease to exist. Although... I would be lying if I said you weren't my first priority. In truth, you just gave me the reason to begin my research."
Tears never seemed so large as hers did in that moment. My poor child, hurt and feeling hopeless. I needed to get her out of this room.
"Let's go for a fly, I'll treat you to some of your favorite ice cream," I lifted my lips up slightly, hoping it looked like an inviting smile.
Inhaling a deep sniffle and wiping her entire, messy face on the back of her sleeve - that I was not going to scold her about, she finally gave the barest hint of a nod.
Rays of the sun danced along the scales of her spread-out wings as she soared in all her form to catch a distant cloud. Even as she neared maturity, I loved that she held on to these simple games of ours. Bittersweet waves rushed through me thinking of the simpler times. The times when we would catch clouds, drop ice cream from the sky to see how fast we could dive in order to catch it, and enjoying being perched up on the crest of the tallest mountain... I couldn't fight the heavy breath that left me.
She partially transformed before I did as we descended into the city and then, in the manner not seen in many young women, she raced me to our favorite shop.
At our usual spot, facing the bustling cobblestoned street, we enjoyed our treats and laughed about precious memories. It wasn't until she reached the middle of her cone that her troubling thoughts found her again as she began to look pensively towards the street.
"Do you remember that time when we sat here and that wagon went by?" her voice let out softly, almost a whisper - as if it were a secret only we shared.
Unfortunately, I did remember that day. It was not only her birthday, but the day I lost the most respect for our father. But for her, the young woman holding her infant child as they reached their place of eternal slumber had clung to her more fastly than the party earlier that day. To see one's own mortality in such a way could do that, even to a child.
We both seemed to know that I didn't need to respond, and she continued.
"Were there any signs? Anything at all that may have saved her from having me?" again, her voice was light and distant.
Mother...
"No, my little Sun, there wasn't - for both answers," I began mildly, remembering back to that dark day. "When we...well, when any of us are permanently female, or even in between, we can't transform when expecting. I'm not sure why it happens, perhaps a mutation from thousands of years ago when we evolved from eggs to live births, but something stops our blood from functioning properly. We can't transform, even partially, and we can't heal in the way our bodies usually would. And that's what makes the mortality rate so high."
I paused, thinking more on my hypothesis before continuing.
"So far, I have no answers. Only the goddess could possibly mend such a thing but I don't even know that for certain."
"But she's coming back," it was soft, almost sounding absent minded from Aurora's lips. It sounded as though she said it before to herself, like a mantra.
Reluctantly, I nodded when we locked eyes.
"In a way, but also not really," hunching over, I held her gaze to show all of my honest words. Hope was not necessarily on the table. "Reincarnation hasn't been fully studied. Only a few cases exist but they are so few and the details are so vague that I couldn't, in good conscience, say they are reliable sources. But from what I have found, returned souls are not the same as they were before. They have very few glimpses of memories from their past but do regain some, if not all, their past abilities. It's the abilities that can be tricky though. Say if Belinha comes back, she will be born to the humans and humans are not known for gifts. There is a chance her role in healing the world will be solely diplomatic as she may not have any abilities from when she first arrived."
Aurora's jaw seemed to tighten as her lips thinned.
"But she could... she could regain everything," her voice wavered.
Oh, how badly I wanted to tell her to keep the faith and have hope. I wanted to tell her that the birth of the goddess would fix everything. Yet, I simply couldn't be that cruel.
"Aurora," I began, using her given name so that she would listen closely. "There is no guarantee. We are not even sure where her line is to know exactly where she will be reborn. I just don't want you to be misled."
Guilt ate at my chest as she sat in her seat. Even if the goddess comes back the way she was supposed to, it also wasn’t guaranteed that she would be able to save anyone before it was too late. No, I had to do all I could to find a cure myself.
Four more years…
