Over dinner, Sera filled everyone in on what the high priestess had told her. They tried to think of anyone who might fit the description of a Brex follower, while Matt stayed mostly quiet. When he did speak he tried to sound light, but it was forced. He couldn’t seem to lighten his mood no matter how hard he tried, and having to be around the others wasn’t helping, especially Tess. He usually loved her energy, but now it was agitating, making him feel even edgier.
He went to the bathroom after their meal, and a woman stopped him on his way back to the table. She was a beautiful, and very curvaceous, brunette that he had been with once before. He recalled that night and couldn’t help smiling at the memory.
“Oh, does he remember me?” Bridget asked.
He chuckled. “There are some experiences a person doesn’t forget.” His gaze traveled the length of her. He had been particularly rough with her when they were together, but she had enjoyed it. She was feisty and tough. She was exactly what he needed, someone he could really take out his passion on. Lust growled to life inside him at the thought.
She grinned. “The great thing about experiences like that is that they can be repeated.”
He smiled. “Didn’t you walk out last time?”
“Yeah, but it was the morning after and you were being a jerk.”
“And you think I’ve changed?”
She glanced down at his body and back up, then put a hand on his chest. “I certainly hope not,” she said and leaned closer to kiss him.
He wanted to take what she was offering. He wanted to have her and be able to be unleashed, to not have to worry about being gentle. He glanced at Sera, then shook his head. “I can’t. I’m dating someone.”
She reluctantly took her hand away and sighed in disappointment. “I’d say she’s a lucky girl, but it’s not just sex, she has to put up with you all the time,” she said, her tone teasing.
He just nodded.
“Well, it was a pleasure seeing you again.” She looked him over appreciatively one last time and smiled. “Always is.”
“You too,” he returned and watched the sway of her hips for a moment as she walked away.
When he got back to the table, Sera was frowning. “What?” he asked. What have I done wrong now? he thought, almost rolling his eyes.
“Just strange feelings,” she mumbled, studying her drink.
“Surprised by how many the count really is?” Tess asked.
She shot her cousin a look, telling her to stop. “I’m fine.”
Tess frowned. “No you’re not. Out with it. It’s not like you to hide stuff.”
Sera sighed. “It’s been a long day, Tess.”
“Uh-huh.”
“It doesn’t concern you.”
“It’s about that woman?” Matt asked.
Sera glanced at him. “It’s just… new. It’s nothing.”
The only thing worse then listening to her telling him that he did something wrong, and how he could do better, was not knowing. “Tell me.”
“No.”
“Tell me,” he demanded, his irritation rising to anger.
She took a deep breath. “It’s just that everywhere we go there are these women and I feel what they feel about you, what you feel in return, and I can fill in the rest.”
He raised an arched brow. “And?”
She sighed. “It just bothers me because I don’t understand.”
“So, what? What I’m feeling is wrong or is it them?”
“No. It’s just that I don’t get some of it, and I thought when it came to emotions I pretty much had it figured out.”
Why couldn’t she just say it? Her hesitancy, her fear of hurting people’s feelings, really pissed him off sometimes. “What don’t you get?”
“Well…” She thought for a moment, no doubt finding the gentlest approach to whatever she was going to say. He managed to hold back a growl. “The women,” she began finally, “mostly feel a mixture of attraction, lust, pain, and fear. I can fill in the reasons pretty well. Though that last woman… she was in one of your memories that I saw and… I know… how you were with her.” It was difficult for her to say it. “But a lot of them, including her, liked being with you anyway, enough to want to be with you again. And I understand that people sometimes like being a little rough.”
“What the hell’s your point?”
“I just don’t understand how you don’t feel even the slightest bit bad about her, especially her.” She glanced quickly at the woman. “You even feel… I’m not sure, but… something like… pride. I don’t understand that.”
Tess made a disgusted face. “Conquests,” she muttered under her breath.
Matt glowered at her. “Don’t need your help.”
“Why? Because I fall into that category?” she shot back.
Ayden sighed forcefully.
“Sorry,” Tess mumbled to him.
“An easy one,” Matt said harshly, then returned his attention to Sera while Tess glared. “Why should I feel bad?”
Sera’s frown deepened. “Because you hurt them,” she said, obviously surprised that he had to ask. “And they were helpless, not like those temple guards, they could fight.”
“You just said they liked being with me,” he pointed out, his patience wearing very thin.
“Most, yes. But what they feel isn’t what bothers me, it’s what you feel that confuses me.” Her tone was a bit edgy now.
“Thought you didn’t care about my damn past,” he snapped and stood, knocking the chair back a foot, causing it to scrape noisily across the stone floor.
She stood, too. “It’s kind of bleeding into the present, isn’t it?”
“I’m not doing anything!” he growled.
“I didn’t say you were,” she said, raising her voice to match his. “I’m just trying to understand and it’s bothering me that I don’t. That’s all.”
“No one’s figured me out yet. Why the hell should you be any different?” He raked a hand through his hair. “I can’t even feel anything around you! Do you even realized how damn hard it is to control everything about myself?” He shook his head and scoffed. “But I’m still not doing enough.”
“I don’t make you control anything.”
“Don’t you? You’d still be with me if I was just me, right?” he challenged heatedly.
“Yes, damn it,” she said, uncharacteristically swearing. “That’s all I want you to be.”
“Like hell you do. All you do is talk about is changing me. Always telling me how I’m wrong, telling me what to do and how to be. If you want some good little puppy then you seriously need to find someone else!” he said, glaring at her. His breathing grew heavier and his hand clenched into a fist at his side. Just a few months ago, she would have already been backhanded.
Tess let go of Ayden, freeing his hands so he could use magic if needed. She knew what Matt wanted to do, she had been the recipient of his anger before. Sera had seen his memories, she knew what he was capable of as well. Yet she stood tall and continued to hold his gaze evenly, even though he could crush her before Ayden could cast a single spell.
Then he caught the flicker in her eyes. She was scared. It was as if someone slammed a fist into his stomach. She was scared of him. She should be, but seeing it in her eyes hurt more than any physical blow.
He turned and stormed off. Sera sunk back into her chair with a heavy sigh and he heard Tess huff. “Once an asshole always an asshole, I guess.”
Yes, he agreed silently and left the tavern. He stopped just outside the door, having no idea where he intended to go. He leaned back against the wall and lit a cigarette.
A moment later, Bridget joined him. “So… are you still unavailable?” she asked with an inviting smile.
